blame it on the alcohol

I once drank to mask my depression, so much so that I barely remember my first two years of university. But then I realised I was drinking when I was raped and physically assaulted, so I became frightened of drinking in public. Since that realisation I have been quite drunk only a few times and everytime I feel guilty. I guess I think if I am going to turn back into that depressed drunk I don't like and I know Paul dislikes. I am still trying to get used to the new me because I haven't discovered what I like about me, just what I dislike.