After many legs of travelling I am home. I am alone and missing Paul like crazy. It is hard to go from 3 weeks being constantly surrounded by people to nothing. I am trying to keep busy with writing and work and trying to lose the extra 7kgs that has crept up on my ass over the past 3 months.
Paul and I had a fancy dinner in Brisbane to celebrate 1 year of being together and we had too much to drink and I got sad about leaving him and being fat and ugly and useless and how he gets grouchy with me when I don't do things right. We had an arguement but in the morning he said he just wanted me to listen to all the good things he says because he thinks I am beautiful and wonderful. He also expects more of me so which is why he gets frustrated when I screw up simple things due to not stopping and thinking through my actions.
He says I lack discipline which comes from absence parents. I will say I have more than my sister and mum as I managed to get through 4 years of university despite numerous breakdowns. I guess I have slacked off since leaving uni as I am able to get away with it. My goal in the next few months is to get more motivated and do more with my time. I need to write more as writing is my passion but as I write for a magazine (a very small community magazine in central qld). I sometimes get lazy and don't write anything else (which I should).
So now my travels are over and I have had three weeks of self discovery and reflection I can attempt to live the life I want to live. Instead of merely surviving.