Thursday, 3 May 2012
Depression and Understanding
I hate being told to just get up and be happy. I have a few wonderful friends who unforently do not understand that it isn't that simple. Right now I can't get out of bed, not because I am lazy but because I am paralyzed with fear about the day. I can't do it again today. I can't get up and go into that empty office and try to work. I can't face another day isolated and alone in this place. I am honestly thinking about death a lot, maybe as a way to escape this place I have backed myself into. This 'place' isn't exactly the town I am living in, its more the state of mind I am in. I hate being here, thinking these thoughts, being terrified of going to work or living that I just want to stay in bed all day. I hate being here, its not my fault I ended up here. I'd been down the past few weeks but kept powering on like everyone told me to. Except now I am burnt out, afraid and just want to curl up in a ball and die.