I have a new job, in government where Paul lives. In my hometown, the place where eighteen years of bad memories linger. But then there are good ones too. This weekend I hung out with Paul, with his friends and just be normal which hasn't happened for a very very long time. I feel like I am one step closer to the life I have always wanted. A life with friends, a enjoyable job, success, financial security, love, happiness and normality. But part of me thinks its all Paul's doing, that I am incapable of it myself and if Paul tires of me it will all fall apart again. I am taking a huge risk, starting a life with Paul when I have seen everything just fuck up so many times. I am scared. But I want this life, I want him and the risk is worth the reward. Right?