Saturday, 5 January 2013

Dear Paul

Dear Paul, I am writing this as you sit for the third time this week drinking in our lounge room with a bunch of guys once again as I attempt to try and piece together my life. Seeing you so happy makes me sad, did you ever care about me at all? I am starting to wonder as you broke up with me on boxing day with no conversation about it at all – we could have worked something out. Instead you threw me out into the cold, broke my heart and just go on as if I wasn’t important. I was supposed to be the love of your life (so far) and the person you wanted to be with forever (so you said). I am starting to wonder if it was all lies. Did you care? Did you cry when we broke up? Do you feel anything when I walk around the house looking sad and trying to battle to get out of here? God I just want to know if I was worth anything to you – because the more I look at things as soon as I moved in with you I seemed to be worthless, just the girl who warmed your bed. You put everything and everyone before me and I tried my best to not be clingy and just do my own thing. Then you lie and say I’m clingy because god forbid I wanted to know when you’d be home from work because you’re supposed to finish at 5pm. Then you say you were sick of having to explain to people where I was when I decided I didn’t want to go somewhere with you. You want me to be an adult then you sit around all day playing PlayStation or just deciding to go fishing all weekend and complain when I don’t do anything around the house. I just want to know what sort of girl you want, because I obviously wasn’t enough. Sometime I feel like moving in with you was the biggest mistake of my life, it ruined our relationship because you weren’t ready to be with someone who wasn’t going to be your mother and pick up after you. Who actually wanted you to come home at night so we could have dinner. Last time I checked you can’t work until 10pm every night and have a decent relationship. I’m getting out of here and I am going to do fantastic things – I thought you wanted those fantastic things with me but all you want is to do what every other idiot in this town does – get married, have babies, do the same job for 20 years and hang out with the same people for your entire life. You’re just a big fish in a small pond and you were afraid of leaving and turning into a nobody. Sorry I wasn’t going to do that for you. I hope you find a girl who’ll marry you and have your babies and live in this place with you because I won’t. You can do better than that and it makes me sad you don’t realise this. I love you. Good luck in life.

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